"It goes by so fast"

I'm not better than you but

I’m not better than you but I regularly stop to take account of my environment. I take a few deep breaths and root my feet deeply into the ground. I don’t even do it dramatically anymore. Sometimes I sit and stare at my baby for 15 minutes without doing anything else just looking at her while she plays. I think she knows I’m watching and I think it enhances her play, but obviously I can’t be sure.

I regulate my phone time. If I lose moderation, I impose consequences. I mostly watch TV when the baby is asleep or if we’re watching together and it’s cozy. I get really involved in my work and so consumed in projects that it feels like play. I enjoy my time with my family and feel mostly relaxed around friends. I get normal anxiety about money and health, but I don’t let it consume me. I’m aware of the worst possible things that could happen to me and everybody I love though I don’t empower this knowledge.

So, no, it’s not going by that fast.

I remember when I gave birth to her and it does feel like a year (it’s been a year) and I remember most of those days in between. No, I don’t “blink and it’s passed;” I’m watching her grow! She’s growing in front of me. We’re growing together. No, I don’t feel like I’ll wake up tomorrow and she’ll be a teenager.

I value presence as the primary value. I think that makes time move at the accurate pace.